To take a couple lines from Mother Teresa’s quotes on ‘practicing humility’, firstly, in the title of this blog, second, ‘to accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.’ Over the course of 17 months I have given as much of my energy to being more grounded, attentive, present in the moment, non judgemental, calm and with better reasoning…All of these things take great practice and adherence. And all of those things I have both failed and succeeded with throughout the journey.
No person is born evil. We are all a product of our environments as we grow each and every day. We are born with different learning patterns and respond to everything at least slightly differently than the next person. With every problem that arises, we confront it in the way we feel reasonable at that point in time and see how we fair. We either win or learn in that confrontation whether it be mental, physical, moral or spiritual. But no matter, we know something new to what we did moments before.
So we find ourselves living this life right here in the now in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and so on. I bet if you’re reading this right now you honestly still feel like a 13yr old with not much knowledge or confidence in the world around you. To feel the feeling of uncertainty of knowing if this life you’re living is the life that really is suited to your genetic and moral makeup. And with these thoughts you can also pin the feeling of failure with a conversation you either did or DIDN’T have within your past week. I know, it sucks right! Even when we skimp out on a conversation that we don’t have we feel lesser of a human being because it knocks our moral code a little more off skew.
My moral code has almost always been to be liked. But to be liked for the person I believe that I am. To be uncompromising in who I am as a person. Now I never really knew what exactly it was in my days that I did to be myself without living out a facade. But for the most part I would be myself, especially in one on ones. Well, it depended actually. If I was conversing with someone who had similar opinions or an opinion that I was interested in, I would be myself. Agreeing and/or asking for more. If it was someone I wasn’t on the same page with but they wanted to chat away about whatever it was they wanted, I’d be quite introverted and lay down and submit, if you will. So in those circumstances I am not being my true self.
Do you find yourself in similar situations? If it’s a stimulating conversation you are bouncing off each other, being yourself. If it’s a drag, you give up and ride out the conversation feeling like you forfeited your true self for that little while.
Well, it’s okay. Now you know that there’s at least one other person on this planet who feels the way you do.
We flip to the other side of the coin where there are those that have been afraid to be who they really are. It’s not every body, but I’ve found that there are some out there who use the form of gossip as their deflection from themselves. Whether they can’t find anything to discuss between themselves and their interlocutor, they are afraid that they might be too boring or that what they really want to talk about is too profound in subject material.
They’ll default to this facade where gossip is paramount. They’ll be salivating at the lips to either spread what they know or they’ll be tugging at your shirt to get the latest news about whatever it is that’s hot around the area.
They solely depend on their only form of interlocutor skills, gossiping. The only way they can stay relevant as a person amongst their community is to provide gossip, or continue to extract it at the very least.
These people appear to have the gift of conversational prowess. But over time, with closer observations, you’ll find that certain people thrive off almost nothing other than speaking of other people. And in this, distorting other peoples realities all at the expense of feeling apart of society. But as I’ve written in the past, we only distort other people’s realities when we decide to speak of them out of turn.
So if we want to be these version of ourselves, how do we both speak little of ourselves and little of other people? We are social creatures after all! Well, I suppose we can speak of ourselves, just don’t boast too much and please for the love of God do not downplay your high achievements so those around you feel compelled (in a dragging their feet kind of way) to compliment you.
We can tell our stories to others to possibly help whoever it is with their current situation.
We can even ask someone, ‘how are you doing, really?’
Stay present with your interlocutor and try to know them a little better rather than know about another person/event in what’s likely to be a Chinese whispered convolution.
Yes there are times when we need to recap a scenario and yes there are times when we want reminisce of a great time once had. They, are absolutely fine. They are human experiences that we can act out for important purposes and for bonding in a healthy mutual manner.
But if you’re finding yourself constantly seeking that story of the day and/or spreading almost any information you receive. Take a step outside yourself and ask ‘why am I doing this? What is the void I am trying to patch over with this toxic vice?’
You aren’t a bad person. You just need to look inward and ask yourself some real questions…Are you willing to be the real you?
These are the few ways we can practice humility:
To speak as little as possible of one’s self.
To mind one’s own business.
Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.
To avoid curiosity.
To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
To pass over the mistakes of others.
To accept insults and injuries.
To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.
To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
Never to stand on one’s dignity.
To choose always the hardest.Mother Teresa
Self awareness is progression